Casey's life Blog

Oh life…

thelifeofcasey — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 01:35:22 +0000

I am about 95% sure my stomach ulcers are back. All this stressing is making feel really crappy. And my stomach is constantly killing me My mom will be here in 9 days, and I CAN NOT WAIT! Miss her, and although it has only 3 months since I’ve seen her I really look forward to it. 2.5 weeks until I leave, and I am getting more nervous by the day! I did my first PT test at the recruiting station yesterday and I FAILED BIG TIME I only needed 17 pushups and got 33 done–woo hoo but I needed 41 situps and only got 39 and I only made it .75 miles (was suppose to run 2 miles) before I had to stop because my side was aching so bad. Today I haven’t felt well most of the day, my stomach muscles have been killing me (probably from all those sit ups (which I did most of in the first minute!))

Something funky is going on with my tattoo. At first I had what I thought was a mosquito bite. It itched like crazy….but then I got ANOTHER right on my tattoo-strange seeing as I had never noticed any bug bites on it in the past. A few days ago the the first one kinda fell off and started bleeding and then tonight at work the other one was kinda irritating me, so I got to messing with it a bit and it starts peeling…now there is a “small marble” sized area on my tattoo that is darker then the rest because it doesn’t have an old layer of skin over it….and it feels like an open wound! Hopefully it was just a couple of weird bug bites and they will heal find, but for now it looks like poo!

Tomorrow is my last night working at the hotel, and possibly my last night working a ‘civilian job’ HOLY COW, that is CRAZY TO THINK! I only hope and pray that I can make it through basic training, that is all I am worried about. Ait, I can study and understand, and I can handle the getting yelled at part…but I really don’t know if my body can physically take basic training. Please pray for me, as I have always wanted to be a Soldier in the United States Army!

I could really use a hug. My life really is depressing me and I just would like a sincere hug. I caught Colby in TWO more lies this morning. I took my ring off, I can’t handle it any more. My mind tells me to leave him that is is no good for you and my heart says differently. I know my mind is right, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Once I get started on my ‘new life’ it will make it easier, I am sure of it! Might be hard in basic not being able to write to him, but I will manage and write my parents that much more!

My mind is all over the place tonight. Just want to get home and into my bed. I wish Colby would move out, should have never let him move back in (after 2 nights of him moving out) I need something/someone to distract me and keep my busy until I leave…hopefully mama will do that for me soon enough!

Lost

thelifeofcasey — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 01:24:52 +0000

I’m sure everyone has been in the position where they feel completely lost in life and like nothing is going right. That is how I feel. I KNOW I only have a few weeks left until I leave for basic but I just feel like that is going to be an extremely rough and bumpy 3 weeks. Colby and I can’t get along to save our lives and the only way to get through to that boy is to be mean! I’m talking saying things that I would never dream up to try to get him to understand. Finally tonight I ended things with him. I had been wanting to for months but every time I tried he would start crying and saying how we can make it and that he loves me and will take care of me and everything else I wanted to hear. I hate hurting someone’s feelings, I hate it more then getting my own hurt. But when you lie, and constantly hurt my feelings I will indeed hurt yours back. Tonight that is what happened. I truly believe karma is a brat and when you lie and pay your way through life at some point it’ll catch up with you. So that is part of my “lost” feeling.

I am sooooooo excited to be leaving soon. But I am also getting pretty nervous. I don’t know if my body can physically handle the stress of walking 7 miles with 60 lbs on my back. The last thing I could handle in my life at this point would be to not pass basic due to my body, mentally I can do it, physically I may be too weak.

Kelly moved back to MN this week. Really wish I could see her. I miss her so much and she has been the rock to me this last week. I can’t even begin to imagine what she has gone through in the last couple weeks, but she is a strong lady and I know she will make it.

My last week at work is next week! I love my job! Really wish I could continue to work here on weekends, but obviously that won’t be possible. My boss started crying yesterday at the thought of next week being my last week! It has been so great working here and I know they will give me a recommendation if I should ever need one in the future.

I don’t feel well. I honestly haven’t felt great in about a week. Stomachaches, most likely from all the stress. Just want to be done with it all! I know I’ll find a man for me who treats me like gold and that I can treat the same way. A man that doesn’t have a criminal past and won’t have one in the future! One that is close to his family and that will adore me, just as much as my parents will adore him, and preferably one with siblings!

Ok, well I am at work and my pizza should be arriving any minute. Thanks for listening once again blog, I appreciate it

Wow;

thelifeofcasey — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 12:49:34 +0000

It has been a long time since I have written in this thing. A TON has changed. Colby and I are still together, but it is extremely rocky and I am unsure of how long it will last. I HAVE DECIDED TO JOIN THE ARMY, in fact I have sworn in and quit school and leave in less then a month for basic training! I am insanely excited and can’t wait to see what the future brings. Literally, I am not worried about getting yelled at or the physical part of basic…. I am worried about the lack of sleep I NEEEEED my sleep! I guess I will learn to not need it Another hard aspect of basic will be the living situation, a bunch of other girls in the same room…no separate showers and probably crappy food. I’ll be find though, I am much more excited to start my career, and be debt free!!!! The Army is paying of my school debt and I got an enlistment bonus that will pay off my car My credit will go up and I won’t have any bills (except car insurance….which I think I can handle ) I am such a disciplined person as it is, and I truly hope to move up and be a leader some day.

Future Soldier PFC *Casey

Lazy Day

thelifeofcasey — Thu, 26 May 2011 00:26:07 +0000

I haven’t done much today. Went by Harris Teeter/Lowes/Food Lion this morning to get the best deals. I didn’t do SUPER, but did decent. Spent about $8 on 2 pork tenderloins and $5 and a 10 pack of chicken legs—figured they would be awesome on the grill in a couple months

So I signed Colby up for a care package. In the questionaire that I had to fill out it said if you plan on being home in the next 4-6 weeks put your home address….figured this was the best way for Colby to get it. I got it SIX DAYS after “ordering” it!!!! It was pretty awesome too, t-shirt, flashdrive in a cc shape so it can sit in a wallet, deck of cards, beach bag, leather key chain and keychain pen….probably a little more, but I don’t recall right now. I also took Lucy for a walk and did a bit of cleaning…and napping I have tomorrow and Friday off before I have to go back to work. I need to get my car inspected Don’t wanna do that but I know it has to be done, I’ll probably do that tomorrow. I’ll have to clean out my car before hand because it is discustingly messy, don’t want people seeing it!

I haven’t heard from Colby in 3.5 days and I am ready to hear his voice! I need to tell him that Lucy destroyed the door, that he got a care package, that i broke and then got a new phone and tell him happy late 1.5 year anniversary

I just wanted to write to try to keep this blog up to date now. Seeya

Fast Forward 7 months…..

thelifeofcasey — Tue, 24 May 2011 15:19:50 +0000

Forgot about this blog! I am going to try writing in it more But first I must catch you up on what I have been up to….here are the top 8 things I have done in the last 7 months:

1. I got engaged! December 10, 2010 approx 10am

2. Colby Deployed December 10, 2010 approx 4pm

3. I moved, from the tiny town of Sneads Ferry to Wilmington December 15, 2010

4. My mom came down for Christmas, it was an awkward first Christmas without Grandma

5. I quit my job at Image Monster by leaving a not so nice note on the owners desk in Mid March

6. I decided I wanted to go back to school for hotel management and then got a job at the front desk of a hotel -Mid April

7. I started ‘extreme couponing’ where I mange to cut my grocery bills by 80+% with coupons!! -Mid April

8. I have been taking Lucy to her obedience classes—this is not much fun!! -Beginning of May

So that is what I have been doing! Nothing to exciting for sure! Colby will be home in SIX WEEKSSSSSSSSSS!!! Holy moly am I excited!!!! Actually more then excited, I can’t concentrate because I am constantly thinking about that first hug/kiss. Thinking about what I should buy him for home coming presents and how I should decorate. And will he like the new house? How I’ve decorated it? The things I have purchased? I miss him sooooo much words can’t even describe it. It is a completely different kind of ’miss’ when a loved one dies then when someone is away. I get to hear from Colby about once a week, if I’m lucky I may hear from him twice. Both phone calls are short, no more then 20 minutes usually more like 10. I can’t help but be mad that 1/2 of his buddies have internet and can get onto facebook to chat with their loved ones on a daily basis….Colby has gotten on 3 times—once because he had to go to the hospital for a toothache and they had internet—and twice he walked MILES IN THE SCORCHING SUN in order to get on. He is my entire world-sun-stars and moon. I don’t know what I would do without him. He is my shoulder to cry on and my confidant.

This week at Harris Teeter they are tripling coupons!! You best believe I got some monster deals Free toothpaste/toothbrushes/popcorn/italian ice/rice/hot sauce/soy sauce/chip dip…..the list goes on and on! It was amazing and super fun, probably the most fun I’ve had since Colby left—and it is me by myself :/

So my phone broke a couple nights ago. I wouldn’t be upset about it breaking if I had broken it…..BUT I DIDN’T!!! I went to grab it out of my purse and the screen just wouldn’t recognize my finger so I couldn’t make any phonecalls or text or anything. I went by Verizon (2 minutes before they closed) and the guy said this would be a manufactures problem and that they warranty I have only covers if I break it or if it is lost/stolen. So I went home and broke it so they would have to replace it. It cost me $39, but a new phone would have been a lot lot more then that! It is a shame that I had to go through all that when truly it wasn’t my fault!

Lucy was TERRIBLE last night while I was at work. She got out of her cage and DESTROYED the door leading into the house!!!! Literally shredded the thing, we will have to replace the door. So glad I went to work so that I could pay for a door that would not have been destroyed had I not gone to work. Aghh. She must have slept the entire time I was at work too because she kept me up alllllll night whining and pouting–I really dislike being woken up while I am sleeping and even more when I am exhausted from working 3-11.

I guess I shall go. Still very tired and need to nap/get ready before work in less then 4 hours. At least tonight I get free dinner (again!) Last night we got free pizza tonight we are getting free seafood because the companies advertise with us yeah!

Adios Mi Amigos Y Amigas

I am going to try to explain.

thelifeofcasey — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 22:48:35 +0000

I feel extremely overwhelmed. I feel like I can’t do anything right, nor can anyone else. I am stressed with absolutely every aspect of my life. My life sucks….really bad! Colby and I fight constantly, we both get mad over the littlest things. I never clean enough or do enough to please him. He doesn’t clean or do enough to please me. My dog and cats are driving me insane…literally. I don’t love my job and I feel like it is not going anywhere, even though in time I am sure it will. I am OOBER stressed about money and would feel 65% better if I had more of it. It has gotten so bad that when I will crave an ice cream cone on my way home from work ($1 at McDonalds) and I don’t get one because I ‘need to save the money’. I am stressed about moving. I am moving in less then 3 months, and don’t know where. I am stressed because Colby leaves for Afghanistan in less then 2 months. I am stressed that Christmas is coming up and I have no gift ideas nor money to buy them if I did. It has been 11.5 months since I have been to Minnesota and I miss it terribly and there is no Minnesota visit in the foreseeable future. I just used up any vacation days that I could have to go to NYC with Colby for his predeployment (which I still don’t know how we are paying for) I haven’t felt well lately. I have lost literally 99.9% of my friends. I don’t talk to anyone anymore. No one has any idea what is going on in my life. I am keeping so many secrets and stress bottled up inside because I have no one to talk to. I miss my grandma more then words can say. She really was my everything, she was the reason I got up every day….I wanted to make her proud. I would love nothing more then to curl up in a little ball and let time just past…..I don’t want to do tomorrow, next week or the next year……I feel like my life won’t get better, I just keep sinking into this black depressing sucky hole. I just want someone to love me, that I can talk to openly, someone who doesn’t argue with me and vice versa. Someone who doesn’t lie and doesn’t expect everything from me. All I truly want is to be happy again :’(

hi :)

thelifeofcasey — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 18:29:07 +0000

Hello everyone, nice of you to join me.
Colby left for training 9 days ago, he will return in 4! I miss him like crazy. I hate that just a couple days before he left two roommates moved in. I HATE THEM!!!! They are really mean to Lucy, locking her upside in the heat or throwing her outside in the rain just to name a couple occasions. They make tones of dishes but never clean them and they argue at all hours of the night! Finally last night I told them to be quiet, as it was 2am and I was trying to sleep. They also use our laundry detergent, tin foil and other house hold things that start $adding$ up quickly! Today I went to CVS and the grocery store with Alli. In a few hours I am to meet a couple at Wal-Mart to sell them my water cooler for $35. I don’t need anything from Wal-Mart now that I went to CVS and got groceries, but oh well.
I have a tentative schedule done for when I am back in school and it is really going to be a challenge! Not the classes, but the constantly going thing. I have class either 7 or 8 am M-F I am done by 2 pm every day but I still have to work at least 3 days a week! Luckily I told my boss man that I could no longer work Sundays and I am going to lie and tell them that I have class all day on Monday as well so that I have time to get some work done.
I am soooooo sleepy! I have food cooking and I have to be at the WalMart at 5 (it’s 2:20 now) so I really don’t have time to take a nap. Plus, I have started to clean our bedroom/closet but I have yet to finish. I am finally taking my winter clothes and packing them up and placing them in the garage to make a little more room for my summer dresses
So we are suppose to be doing something awesome for Colby’s birthday but I have NO plans!!!! I wanted people over for drinks but Colby doesn’t really want that any more. I have looked into renting a bounce house, and a party bus and have found nothing that we could afford! Aghh. I hope he doesn’t mind just having people over. I bought the plastic for a slip and slide and thought we’d get a 1/2 keg and just turn up the music and call it good :/ Hope that works!
Have a good day ya’ll!!!

too much.

thelifeofcasey — Sat, 08 May 2010 23:22:23 +0000

my life seems to be spiraling out of control. i cant seem to find happiness in anything. i can pretty much say that i hate almost every aspect of my life at this point. i look at lucy and i miss annie. i dont have a job. i dont have any friends. i hate arguing all the time with colby. i hate not being by my parents. i hate the people that haven’t been here for me through all this (aka people that WERE friends that have disappeared) this life sucks really really bad right now. i feel like it can only get better, but then something else happens. all i want is a genuine hug…that is all i want….and for my grandma back.

hello all.

thelifeofcasey — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:59:45 +0000

it is strange how life can take a turn. in my case, thank God, it has finally started to look up. just the last few days, i feel so optimistic. i feel as if everything will work itself out, everything will work itself out with Colby by my side. i want to be with him the rest of my life. i want to have babies and raise a wonderful family with him. we have a nice humble abode now, but i want something that is OURS. i want to plant things in the yard and not look at it as a waste of money and paint the walls pretty colors. i wanna trade in my car for an suv. i want to make my parents proud, and i dont think that will ever happen through a job but rather through my parenting. i cant wait to have a belly and have colby kiss it. i cant wait to attend church as a family. i want to take prenatal yoga classes and enjoy the company of the other bellies in the room. i hope i get pregnant before colby leaves in december…but not much before because i want him here for the delivery. i want a belly in the summer and to wear summer dresses! cant wait. i feel like this is going to happen, that we have made it over a big hurdle in our relationship and that we have hit some solid ground. i can feel my grandma watching over me, she is guiding me through life and helping me make the decisions that need to be mad. i love her with all my heart and am so glad she is no longer in pain. she is celebrating life with everyone else who has passed on and is having a blast! :) i love having me back!!!

one month.

thelifeofcasey — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 00:06:12 +0000

It has been exactly one month today since my grandma passed. i miss her so terribly bad. if i get mad, it will inevitably end with tears, as i soon become sad. i dont feel like socializing with anyone. i dont want to DO anything. i feel content laying in bed. i have no money. i havent been this broke, ever. i quit my job. i moved in with colby. i adopted a puppy. i had an interview for my old job back at queensboro, but they didn’t hire me back?!?!?! it has been a very long, hard month. just about everything that could go wrong did. i am so depressed, i seriously need to get medications for it. i am also extremely stressed. my stomach ulcers are coming back and making my stomach hurt bad. i stress about absolutely everything. everything. i cant lay still and not itch, or have a pain of some kind. something will bug me. things that have always bugged me (like walking in grass and dirty dishes) have gotten worse and my ability to let loose and not care has pretty much gone out the window. i use to enjoy having people over or meeting people somewhere, now it just stresses me out. I stress about what they are thinking about me, and for some reason I am quick to judge (very much not like me). colby doesn’t understand what i am going through. he gets annoyed when i cry (which only makes me want to cry more) and he doesn’t understand that i dont want to be around people, i just dont. i have nothing against them, just no desire to talk to them, i feel as if i have nothing to say to them. i dont care to get to know new people and i really dont care if they get to know me. i hate this. i am really not a happy person. i am so depressed.